Trying Terrible Twos

When Alex and I first found out we where pregnant, there was a warning that has floated around, “Just wait until she turns 2!” Or “Watch out for the terrible twos.” The warnings would even come when having general conversation about how good Sadie is, and how much Alex and I enjoy being her parents. These phrases usually sounded like, “Well you haven’t hit the TERRIBLE twos yet” or “Just wait until you get to the terrible two’s, you won’t be nearly as excited.” These warnings said to us as if once Sadie turned two we will then not want to be her parents anymore or because she has turned two, she is now a burden on our lives.

Now I want to be clear with something, I know the statements I listed above are all said in good fun and if any of you reading this have ever said any of those to I or Alex, don’t feel bad. This is not me calling you out and this is not a post about how people need to watch what they say. What this post is about is a mind set when it comes to parenting or actually any situation in life. A mind set that is morphed around the phrases above, because I feel in my own convictions that we have taken the above phrases to heart and believe them about our children and our circumstances and thus are doing our children a disservice as parents when it comes to training up a child as Proverbs 22:6 says.

I am by no means claiming to be a perfect parent or claiming that I have nothing to learn from those who have come before me, but one thing Alex and I have talked about is the stage of life that we are currently in with Sadie and that is the 2 stage. I love watching Sadie in this stage because she is beginning to figure everything out and figure out how the world around her works. Up until this point in life we, in a sense, gave Sadie everything to discover and really didn’t understand what no meant.

Spontaneous is the best word I can use to describe life with our 2 year old daughter. She keeps on our toes. We walk through the endless mind field of what color food pouch she want to have and we make the daring attempt to suggest what shoes she should wear. Spoiler, it’s always going to be jellies. At this current moment, the war to change the diaper has been less of a war, but if you know my daughter or have a 2 year old yourself, you know that attitude can change rapidly, almost with the snap of a finger. It really does keep life interesting.

Being a dad to a 2 year old is one of the hardest things I have done. Helping Sadie process through her emotions has got to be one of the most difficult challenges I have had in my short 27 years of life. Sadie will scream at the top of her lungs when she wants out of her car seat. In fact she has even started throwing the fit before we even get to the car. Trying to get a flailing, strong willed, wants to be independent toddler into her car seat when she doesn’t want to is hard to say the least, but also an opportunity.

I know putting a flailing 2 year old in her car seat only to have her scream for an hour in the car doesn’t sound that rewarding, but bear with me. I firmly believe that when God grants couples the privilege of Being parents, it is their responsibility to then raise that child up and teach them how to control those emotions that they are trying to figure out. Sadie screams because that’s all she has ever known. When she’s unhappy, she screams. It’s not joyous mind you. I do not look forward to the screaming fits, but when they do happen, I don’t blame the “terrible twos” because they aren’t terrible, they are trying.

Every time I go to put Sadie in her car seat and the screaming match begins, I am tested and tried. My will, my patience, my ego are all tested in a matter of minutes. Some of you reading this have been there, more than once too, and know the exact feeling I am describing. What I am proposing though, is if our mindset was different, could it change the way we parent?

If we think of these times as terrible, it makes us see the job that God has given us as a burden instead of a joy and a challenge. John says it best when he says in 3 John 1:4- “ I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” How do our children know the truth to walk in? We train them, starting even before they are 2.

I have noticed that Sadie knows when I am upset, she will even sometimes come over to me and pat my leg and ask “daddy okay?” So what this tells me is that she can read me well and can even read when I am annoyed, impatient, or upset with her and if she can read those feelings, I guarantee she could read the feelings if I where to ever think of her as a burden or as terrible.

Call a child terrible and they will be terrible. Train and a child in the way they should go and when they are older they will not depart from it. I know this is easier said than done, but I want to be honest. My child is not terrible because she is two. She is strong willed, driven, vocal, stubborn, independent, and passionate. How she deals with those emotions is not always correct and if she where to act the way she does now at 27, would be frowned upon, but she’s not 27 she’s two.

I think we need a mind set change for those of us who work with children. They are not terrible, they are trying. Trying for you and trying for them and they rely on us to help them figure out those emotions. Staying consistent in discipline and guidance will be key. Will it tiring, absolutely. But it is not the end. See it as trying and stay consistent and you will one day be able to say the child walking in truth.

Crying out loud

This past Friday was probably one of the best and hardest days that I have had sense becoming a dad nine months ago. Today I took the day off work to spend time with my daughter and take sometime to recharge after what turned out to be a very busy week.

This past Thursday night my wife and I where sitting on the couch watching TV, and I felt my self getting very excited to get to spend the whole day with my daughter. Her personality has really started to blossom and not to mention she is very mobile now. Add that with being curious and an adventurer and you have yourself a great Friday. Needless to say, my Friday had been an adventure. 

Teething is hard to deal with as a parent. So is a stomach ache, mixed with a cold due to the drastic change in weather. If you hadn't guessed yet, my daughter, Sadie, experienced all three, in one day. Let me just say, I have never felt more hopeless and scared in my entire life. 

In the last three months my wife and I have found that there are three things that usually work to calm Sadie down when she is in distress. We either feed her, change her diaper, or snuggle her until she starts to fall asleep. Sadie began her distress call at 1:45 PM. Dad mode set in, after all I have been through this routine so many times, seeing as I watch her every Monday, so I went into Sadie's room feeling very confident that I would have her soothed and calm in no time. Yeah I was wrong. 

Started with the feeding, because with Sadie that's just where you go first. The good kind of worked but wasn't enough, so I on to step two. The diaper change happened swiftly and promptly and Sadie was still in distress. So I sprung into action, scooped her up and cuddled her. All seemed to be fine for the first four seconds and then more cries for help. I began bouncing her up and down as I walked the hallway. I would rock her while rubbing her back. Nothing was seeming to work and I was out of options. 

It wasn't until the last time that I tried cuddling her that I realized what she was doing. As I would lightly bounce her in my arms I realized that she had the tightest grip on my shirt and she was not letting go for anything. It was in that moment that I realized there was nothing she wanted me to do but hold her. 

And that is exactly what I did. I held her and would whisper in her ear that everything was going to be okay that daddy had her and I wasn't going anywhere. She slowly drifted to sleep and I was finally able to put her in her crib. I never felt more proud in my life. That was until 45 minutes later when she woke up again with the same drastic cry for help that I heard early in the afternoon. I had started on another project, actually I had started writing this post, and as a result of her crying out for help, I put my plans on hold and came to her rescue to let her know that dad was still here.

I couldn't help but think that God does the same for me. I "cry out" in distress, wanting to know that everything is going to be okay. When family members are going through medical issues, when Sadie has her teething days, when work is just very overwhelming, when the enemy plants thoughts that God didn't call me to Warsaw, that I made a mistake, I can cry out to God and he comforts me.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 speaks very clearly that God comforts us in our afflictions and in Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus is very clear that he wants those who feel weary or heavy burdened to come to him so that they may find rest. God wants you to call out to him. He hears you the same way a parent hears the cries of their 9 month old baby calling out for help and comfort.

It really is that easy. Simply cry out to God. It does not matter what you are struggling with. Maybe you are so deep into pornography that you don't know what is true love anymore. Maybe you are so frustrated with your marriage that you consistently have to work late so you don't have to be around your spouse. Maybe you have just been rejected to many times that you don't care, you'll find "love" from anyone or anything that will give it to you. God wants to be the one to comfort you in those hurting times. God wants to be the one whom you cry out to when you are hurting. He won't ignore your cries, he hears you, so cry out to him!

Top 4 things I have learned in my first year of full-time youth ministry

I have now been the Director of Student Ministries at Community Grace Church in Warsaw for just over a year now and I have been reflecting back on all the things that I have learned this first year and I just want to share some of those things with you, but before I do you should know something about what you are about to read. Not only do I explain what I have learned but I also take the time to challenge you and ask how you may apply what I have learned in ministry in your own daily lives, and not just those of you who are involved in ministry. So with out further ado, here are the top 4 things I have learned in my first year of full-time youth ministry 

1. The youth ministry will only be as strong as the adults you have leading it.

A wise teacher of mine once said that above statement and I never fully understood what it meant until this past year. In the youth program I came from, we had awesome adults that where present every Wednesday and Sunday night and many of them I am still in contact with today, but I never paid attention to who they really where or who they represented. They where adults whose identity where first cemented in Jesus Christ. They understood why they where there and why they where giving up there Wednesday and Sunday nights. They where committed to what God was doing in the youth program. 

The exact same can be said for the youth staff that I have here in Warsaw. I firmly believe that I have some of the best adults in the business. Some of them this is their first year volunteering, others have been involved for 20+ years, (You know who you are), but on a Wednesday night when 909 meets, none of that matters. Each member of the youth staff shows up ready to work understanding the purpose of why they are there. They understand what God has called them too and I credit the 20+ adults I have working with me as part of the reason why 909 Student Ministries is seeing significant growth this year. 

2. It’s not about the lesson, it’s about the relationship 

When I first started as a youth intern over 8 years ago, I put so much energy into writing lessons and having great discussion questions ready for the adult leaders, that I would be genuinely disappointed if the small group leaders never got to ask those awesome questions because a student was struggling with something and needed help. You can have a great lesson and students can be zoned and listening but at the end of the night if the students don’t feel they can trust you can and are not willing to open up to you, but you gave a great lesson, then I say you may want to reevaluate the priorities of the group. This is not to say that every student is going to open up to you but those students that you have in your small group, or those students that you are always having a conversation with before youth group starts, yeah those are the students that you want to trust you. If all they feel is that you are there to teach them and not walk with them, then again you may need to look at your priorities. 

3. Point back to Jesus

Everything you do as a youth program should and needs to point back to Jesus. Every lesson, every event, the reason behind them should be to point back to Jesus. Every October for Fall Break we go to Fort Wayne to play laser tag, each year the students have invited friends that are not walking with Jesus. The point of this event is not so that we can play 2 games of laser tag, but it gives us an opportunity to say hey we care about you so much that we are willing to drive you to Fort Wayne and play laser tag with you because Jesus loves you. 

This year a student asked me why we do this every year. This gave me the opportunity to say because you don’t have school and I wanted to hang out with you. This student then asked why I wanted to hang out with them and I was able to answer because I care about and care about whether or not you are walking with Jesus. The reason for laser tag was clear to this student, it was so that I had an opportunity to talk about Jesus with them. 

4. Don’t do anything without praying and consulting God

This is by far the most important thing I have learned this year. First off, when I consult with God, I move in a direction that I am sure is in tune with His will for the youth program. Yes a big reason for the growth in 909 Student Ministries has been because I have the best youth staff ever, but more so because we consult God before we do anything and we have the students do the same. Most every Wednesday night, we start by playing games, but before we dive into playing games we have the students break into groups and pray with each other. Not just because praying is a good thing to do, but because we want to make sure we are following Gods leading and not our own. It also teaches the students the importance of praying. 

These are just 4 things that I have learned in my first year of full-time youth ministry. I know I have a long way to go and that God isn to finished with me yet, but I look forward to what the next 4 will be. 

God Signs

Have you ever had one of those moments in which God is sort of nudging you in the direction he wants you to go? You know like you can almost here God clearing his throat and and tilting his head in the direction of whatever that sign is? Every time the sign comes into your view you immediately look at it almost nervously because you know there is a reason that sign is there because its unique to you and that moment. 

If you know what I am talking about then the story I am about to share with you will make sense. You will read this and understand what I am talking about when I say sign. If you don’t know then please don’t stop reading. Just enjoy the story of how God used on bracelet to start a great conversation. 

Monday nights are date night for my wife and I and for the past couple of weeks our date nights have consisted of watching either the Chicago Cubs play Monday Night Baseball or watching WWE Monday Night Raw. Now before you think my wife and I are huge WWE fans, we simply watch because it provides us with a good laugh and the acting is just hilarious. Anyways, not what this is about. I realized one night that the baseball season is quickly coming to a close and that ever sense Alexis and I had returned from our summer ministry, we had yet to attend a baseball game. To keep this from getting to long, I picked the first Monday that the Fort Wayne Tin Caps where home and that was what we went with. 

Alexis and I had received a gift card to Longhorn Steak House and so before the game we decided we would actually have a nice dinner out. Thanks to the hour drive from Winona Lake and the game starting at 7:05, we beat the dinner rush to the restaurant. My wife had gotten a phone call and so I waited not so patiently for her to finish her phone call and when she finally finished two people had walked in front of us. Now I know what you are thinking, that I need to calm down and not make this all about me. She had a phone call that maybe lasted 10 minutes. I know not that bad, but the thing is I was hungry and I really wanted my steak. My thought process at that moment was all selfish and self centered motives. 

Now here’s where God takes my impatient situation and shows me that he had a plan all along. We get seated and a waitress comes to our table and takes our drink orders but a different waiter brings our drinks back and says that he is actually the one taking care of us. Immediately after smiling and thanking him for bringing our drinks, my eyes lock on the bracelet around his wrist. 

Love was all the bracelet said and was made by Mud Love. Now for those of you reading who have no idea what Mud Love is they are a store that makes jewelry out of clay and have actually become quite popular. No coincidence that they are made right in Winona Lake. If you are thinking that I immediately strike up a conversation with our awesome waiter, well you would be wrong. I let him come back to our table twice before finally getting up the nerve to ask him about the bracelet. 

Our conversation quickly went to me asking him if him and his girlfriend, who was the one who bought him the bracelet, went to church anywhere. When he told me no I was expecting him to quickly leave and I thought I would only see him once maybe twice more throughout our evening there, but God had other plans and he seemed very interested in knowing why I was asking. So I explained Mud Love and what they do and then even had the awesome opportunity to invite him to the church that my wife and I used to attend when we lived in Fort Wayne. From further conversation it was discovered that my wife and him actually knew each other, or had at least met once while my wife worked for ONE in Fort Wayne. Turns out that our waiter also sells medical supplies, no coincidence that he sells staples for hand surgeries. My wife worked with a hand surgeon while she worked at ONE and he even knew the doctor she worked for! We where able to then pray for him and his job of selling medical supplies, as it is not an easy job, and throughout the whole rest of the night he came back to our table more than he did the other tables he was waiting on. 

The reason I am telling you this story is simple. I want to encourage you that God can use the simplest things in life to allow greater things to happen. What I mean by that is God used a simply bracelet that started a conversation that left one waiter at a Longhorn Steakhouse with hope and an invitation to church. I cannot tell you how much more encouraged our waiter appeared as he worked the rest of shift. He was already in what seemed to be a very good mood, but because someone took the time to care about him and hear about him, he was even more encouraged. 

I was nervous when I started talking with him. I never know how conversations are going to go, but I knew that God had him wearing Mud Love for some purpose and I took it to start a conversation. I can’t help but think of how impatient I was before my wife and I where seated and how even more impatient I was when two people walked in in front of us and where seated before us. The people who went in before us, where seated in a different section that was not in the section that our waiter was in. 

Yeah God worked last night, and I could tell he was working in our waiters heart. Never think that something is a coincidence. Things do happen for a reason and sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes we get to see why those things happen. God works things out for His glory, even if that thing is a phone call and someone being seated before you. 

Where is God leading you and how is He leading you there?

I’m sitting in my office this week simply just looking back on how I got to where I am now. I’ve been looking at pictures from my time in youth group. I look at who I was when God brought my best friend and mentor into my life my Sophomore year of high school and because of God bringing him into my life, where I am now.

Currently I am the Director of Student Ministries at Community Grace Church in Warsaw, Indiana. Eight years ago if you would have asked me if I was going to be in this position now, I would have laughed at you. I thought I was going to be a fireman in my hometown of Kendallville and thought I was going to follow in my dad’s footsteps. I thought I had my life figured out, until my junior year of high school when God shook my plans and laid a burden on my heart.

Growing up I was always known as the wild child. I was loud, hyper, and just plain annoying. I was told most of the time to just calm down and whenever I was disruptive I was placed in the back of the room or just sent to the principal’s office. The teachers I had growing up throughout elementary and middle school where awesome. Do not get me wrong. I will be forever grateful for their investment into my life and how many of them saw something greater in me as well and pushed me to maturity. The only problem throughout my elementary and middle school years is that I did not care what anyone wanted out of me. I was used to just being told that I was annoying and needed to be quiet, mostly by classmates, and thus I had a huge burden to be accepted and quite frankly even noticed.

So I continued to be loud and annoying and took any kind of attention I could get. I was just longing for someone other than my family to really show that they cared about and wanted me around. This burden really started growing when I entered into high school and because I had this burden to be accepted and I was at a pivotal point in my life, I was beginning to think that drugs, drinking, and sex would help me feel accepted. Praise The Lord, God had other plans.

When I first met Dan, I didn’t want anything to do with him. I thought he was going to be just like every other person who I thought cared about me but as soon as I was graduated he wasn’t going to care anymore. I could not have been more wrong. The intentionality that Dan showed me and his willingness to pour into me regardless of how I acted built the trust I had with him and slowly I began to open up to him and starting to confront the sins and things that needed to change in my life.

I had no idea why God had placed my family in First Christian Church back when I was in 3^rd grade, God had a bigger plan for my life and placed me where he knew that come my sophomore year of high school I would need someone in my life like Dan, who I would listen to and who would finish the work that my teachers throughout my grade school years started.

I want to ask you, what is God is preparing you for right now? Just as God brought Dan into my life 8 years ago, what is God doing right now that could have a impact years from now? Just as God led Moses through wilderness to prepare him to lead the Israelites through the same wilderness, God is preparing you for something. What that is? I have no idea, but know that God knows where he is leading you and who better to be leading you than He who created the heavens and earth and you and me and knows you better than you know yourself?